Build with Clay #120: No
A bi-weekly newsletter sparking personal growth
Hi, reader!
Today’s trivia: What is the only U.S. state name that can be typed on one row of a QWERTY keyboard?
With that, welcome to the 120th newsletter! This one is all about No.
A power.
What is one of the most powerful words in the English language?
No.
No to invitations.
No to meetings.
No to dinners.
No to experiences.
No to ideas.
Ok, sure, you should say yes to some things.
Invitations could lead to fun.
Meetings could be productive.
Dinners could be enjoyable.
Experiences could be spectacular.
Ideas could broaden your thinking.
But too many yeses pile up to a busy life.
And a busy life means you’re in a hurry, and we know that’s not good.
A busy life means no room for spontaneity.
It means less room in our life for the things that actually matter.
A thought.
As a self-proclaimed people pleaser, saying no to others, especially people I care about, was a really difficult shift.
I do not like to disappoint people.
But here’s the thing.
People understand.
When saying no, I use phrases like this:
“Thank you for the invitation, but I can’t make it work.”
“Thanks for thinking of me, but I’m unable to commit.”
“I’m so glad you thought of me, but I have to pass.”
“That sounds fun, but I can’t go.”
Getting comfortable saying no has done a few notable things:
Saying no has created more margin in my life for spontaneity and pause. The spontaneity has led to fun side adventures and pause has led to more reflection, gratitude and contentment.
Saying no has deepened my relationships with others. Saying no to some things has given me space to say yes to those closest to me. It has provided more time to spend with my wife, kids, extended family and friends. And more time with them has invariably deepened and strengthened these relationships.
Saying no makes me feel less in a hurry. With fewer obligations (things I’ve said yes to), there’s more margin in my life. Now, when I hit traffic, when my kids are moving slow or when an appointment runs long - there is less stress.
Saying no has given me more energy. With less things on my plate, I have more energy to dedicate to the things I have determined really matter.
What should you say no to?
A quote.
“Learn to say no to the good so you can say yes to the best.”
Answer: Alaska