Build with Clay #90: Vulnerability
A bi-weekly newsletter sparking personal growth
Hi, reader!
Trivia for today: In 1893, what country was the first in the world to give women the right to vote?
With that, welcome to the 90th newsletter! This one is all about Vulnerability.
A story.
“Let’s stop beating around the bush, I make $160,000 a year.”
I was sitting with a few friends sharing how freeing it is to have a relationship where we are vulnerable about our finances.
My friend, sitting to my left, listened to me for a few minutes and then voiced the quote above.
There were a few seconds of silence.
My friend had just been extremely vulnerable. They had put themselves out there.
Then the others at the table, myself included, shared our numbers.
The proverbial band-aid was ripped off.
For the next hour, we openly talked about money.
It was refreshing.
The connection amongst us instantly deepened.
A thought.
I was raised to believe that your finances are a closed book. It’s for you and only you.
I no longer believe this.
Look, I’m not advocating to go buy a custom t-shirt that has your salary on the front and your net worth on the back.
Seriously, please don’t do that!
But money drives so many of our decisions. We think about money all the time.
Should I buy this? What should I invest in? Can we afford this vacation? Am I saving enough? Should I ask for a raise? Do I have enough to retire? Should I pay down more debt? How much should I be making? Can I afford this mortgage? Should I save more for my kids? Where should I keep my money? Do I have enough cash on hand?
The list is endless.
The problem is we have this dialogue in our own heads. We rarely talk about it openly with people who love us. At least I rarely did.
How unhealthy is that?
It changed for me when I started a business with a friend. Overnight, we had to be open books about our finances. We had to be vulnerable.
I knew his net worth. He knew mine.
I realized pretty quickly how refreshing and powerful it was to have someone to bounce ideas off of who knew my personal situation. I realized how stimulating it was to openly discuss the questions that run amok in my mind on a frequent basis.
Since then, I have deepened a few additional relationships where we are open about our finances. Each of those relationships is even stronger now because of our mutual vulnerability.
Who in your life can you deepen a connection with by being vulnerable about your finances together?
A quote.
“Vulnerability is the doorway to connection. No vulnerability, no connection.”
- Brene Brown
Answer: New Zealand